Countryfile vs Top Gear mash up……

{ May 20, 2012 @ 21:36 } · { Uncategorized }
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I have to say that BBC tv’s ‘Countryfile’ is a splendid program and whoever came up with the idea of relaunching that show and putting it out on a Sunday evening knows their stuff. For week commencing 6th May, Countryfile attracted 5.2 million viewers. (http://www.barb.co.uk/report/weekly-top-programmes-overview) To put that into perspective that beats the FA Cup that was shown on ITV …. so maybe the Great British public loves a trip to Adam’s Farm while they eat their Sunday tea and try to forget about going back to work the next day…

Tonight, however, was a bit of a mindfuck. On Countryfile , helping to launch the annual photographic competition for the Countryfile Calendar, was one Mr Jeremy Clarkson. His appearance was amusing but…..Mr Petrolhead/Controversial/Range Rover driving/Shoot you in front of your family/Clarkson……. on a program about the countryside……well whatever next??? I shall tell you whatever next, Dear Reader - his Top Gear colleague, Richard Hammond, broadcasting live from the middle of Africa talking about lions and meerkats and elephants. See what I mean? And to top it all, Hammond’s co-presenter was Julia Bradbury……from Countryfile!?!?! Well how does that work? What televisual mindfuck has occurred here???

I have a mental picture of James May left at the Top Gear test track trying to speed test tractors with Adam (from Adam’s Farm) – and John Craven presenting the ‘Cool Wall’ with a herd of cows.

But personally I blame Simon Cowell. Apparently there will be no new series of Top Gear until Christmas due to the X-Factor returning in the Autumn (The BBC won’t pitch Top Gear against X-Factor) and the nation needs its fix of the Top Gear presenters on a Sunday evening – so stand by John Craven and the Lions of Africa…..and may the Lord have mercy on us all!

 

 

My Star in a Reasonably Priced Car top 5 wish list……

{ May 12, 2012 @ 22:03 } · { Uncategorized }
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I went to Sainsbury’s today – all very exciting [it was not exciting] but my trip home was full of surprises. Within a mile of leaving the car park I saw a Land Rover Evoque, an Aston Martin DB9, a Bentley Continental GT, a Range Rover Sport, a Lamborghini Gallardo, A Range Rover Autobiography and numerous Audis (which are now rather common…though I still want an A5). As far as I was aware, none of these vehicles were driven by footballers. On my way to work in the mornings, however, on one stretch of road which takes me to the motorway I frequently see cars heading in the opposite direction which are driven by footballers – commuting to one of the training grounds. The ‘footballer cars’ are usually uber expensive and new……and usually either white, black or matt black. And usually a bit crap. Trust me – having lots of money does not guarantee good taste. Look at the Range Rover driven by Katie Price.

So what cars would I recommend to footballers who have more money than sense? A Maserati Quattroporte, A Jaguar XJ, Lotus Exige or a Volkswagen Up! (I would dearly love to see Wayne Rooney turn up to the Carrington Training Ground in a Volkswagen Up!)

But would I like to see any of these pampered poodles appearing as the ‘Star in a Reasonably Priced Car’ on BBC tv’s Top Gear? No. No I wouldn’t. So here is my latest list…..people I want to see appearing as the ‘Star in a Reasonably Priced Car’ on Top Gear…

 

 

 

 

 

So – my top 5 are as follows…..

 

1. Prince Harry – do I really have to explain why? No, I thought not…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. Holly Willoughby – lovely lady

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3. Emily Maitlis – something tells me this news reader would be a hoot on the test track

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. Nick Hewer and Margaret Mountford – a classic duo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5.  George Michael – who wouldn’t want to watch the spectacle of Mr Michael going round the track?

Gardening – you need vision and imagination as well as soil…..

{ May 12, 2012 @ 10:27 } · { Uncategorized }
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I have decided that I am an impatient gardener. Over the last few weeks I have bought and been given a number of new plants …. and I have been struggling in my mind to visualise how colours, heights and group of plants will work. Along with this I have been setting up a new area of the garden with a semi submerged container pond within an area I want to use to attract wildlife. And now I want a crystal ball to see if it will all look as good as I hope later in the summer…..and if my wildlife area will be a success or the most sterile area of the neighbourhood.

My neighbour was kind enough to call round last week with a tray full off cuttings she has cultivated, plants she has divided and bulbs she has too many of….so the extra challenge was to accommodate these surprise acquisitions and remember roughly how each was described to me. My ideal would be to have a cottage style garden, in terms of planting, with plenty of flowers to attract insects and - hopefully – a feast of colour. I have planted dwarf sunflowers and some full size sunflowers that are more of a red/burnt orange colour than conventional yellow that I have grown from seed. I also have some sweet peas growing – slowly – from seed that should give a white flower. My tomatoes are ready to be planted out in my small veg patch…but the lower leaves are beginning to curl a little and droop – maybe they have been indoors too long. I intend to grow carrots, onions and beetroot too.

One of the talents of a successful gardener that is frequently over looked (or not acknowledged enough) is the artistic vision of how the garden will look throughout the year – but particularly over the summer. Having the confidence to know what was planted in March will bloom and fit in perfectly in July is a talent I would love to have. Well …. another few months and we shall see how successful this year’s planting has been. I can’t wait to be able to sit out in the garden at the end of July and (hopefully) be surrounded by colour and feel that this year’s gardening has been a success.

 

Gary Neville’s happy ending as Torres scores….

{ April 25, 2012 @ 18:25 } · { Uncategorized }
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Last night I was chilling out by grazing on the internet and slobbing in front of the tv. Not an earth shattering event and not worthy of mention….apart from when I was  on ‘Twitter’  I was intrigued by some unusual comments on my timeline about the retired Man Utd footballer-turned tv pundit, Gary Neville. Having seen the evidence I can understand why people were passing comment. I bring you exhibit A: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAjQlMbCYMo

 

 

 

 

 

Initially I thought that this was a noise that only Mrs Neville is normally lucky enough to hear (I dread to think what face accompanies it) and how unfortunate it was that such an exciting moment of football had triggered this reaction whilst live on air – I mean, imagine the mess he would have to clean up….and Lord help his fellow commentators. But now I have decided that this is the noise of someone falling down a well. What’s that Skippy? Gary Neville has fallen down the mine shaft??

 The Guardian newspaper suggested  ’it drew unfortunate comparisons with a particularly pleasurable bodily function which the French describe as “la petite mort”……though later acknowledging there was nothing ‘petite’ about it.  The Daily Mail described the noise as ‘an emotional response’ and The Telegraph described ‘Neville’s peak of ecstasy.’ However you describe it, Mr Neville’s emotional response has become an internet sensation with many people downloading the moment for use as a ringtone, etc. Indeed The Guardian has helpfully provided this link should you wish to do the same: http://download.guardian.co.uk/audio/kip/standalone/football/1335343666428/2014/gdn.120425.jd.neville.mp3

The event did bring into the English language a new word – ‘goalgasm’ – but, to be honest, funny as last night’s incident was, I would be pleased if Mr Neville’s happy endings would remain off air in future. It was, as described by one tweeter last night,’a very awkward moment to say the least’…..

 

 

The 1970′s, Ben Foden and ’100 days to the Olympics?’……

{ April 21, 2012 @ 08:52 } · { Uncategorized }
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Last Monday evening I watched a BBC2 nostalgia show looking back at the 1970s. To me, the 1970s are a forgotten decade over shadowed by the swinging 60s and the power dressed 80s – where the 60s had the Mini and the 80s had the Audi Quattro, the 70s had the Austin Maxi. And that was a bit crap. And usually painted in vomit beige.

Alas, as the program was broadcast, Twitter (a very good barometer these days) came alive with all things 70s and the show trended highly in the UK for most of the evening. The tweets were a mix of three themes – ‘Oh I remember….’ and ‘I wish I was alive in the 70s’ and a lot of ‘if you were born in the 70s then you shouldn’t be on Twitter’…..the latter posted by teenagers who obviously think they invented loud music, sex and drugs and haven’t sussed out their parents have been doing it for years. One Direction and Justin Bieber my arse.

I was alive in the 70s though I do not recall much about it as I was a wee pup – but I can recall having a bath lit by candles because of the power cuts. My recollections really come from the 80′s, but from what I do know this BBC show viewed the 1970′s through rather rose-tinted spectacles – in its first episode anyway – and I am sure there was a lot of shit going on that decade which wasn’t concentrated on too much in program one.

Which brings me onto a newspaper article in the Daily Fail this week covering David Cameron’s wish for ‘real discipline’ in the classroom, which was accompanied by a black and white photo of a schoolroom scene from the 1970s. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2132444/David-Cameron-calls-real-discipline-PM-urges-children-stand-adults-enter-room.html?ito=feeds-newsxml   He gives the example of children standing up when an adult enters the classroom. This is a practice I had forgotten about but we actually did at my senior school. I am not sure I thought I was giving respect to the adult when I stood up – more that they were interrupting our lesson – but it makes good copy in the lead up to the local elections – or am I being cynical? And kids standing up will be easier to introduce than bringing back caning……nostalgia is clearly popular at the moment.

The rugby player Ben Foden featured quite a lot in the papers this week for some drunken antics during his stag-do in Barcelona. It was reported than Foden was dancing when a female pulled down his jeans and boxers – and it was all captured on someone’s phone on video which was jolly handy for the papers and a smidge unfortunate for Foden. I find the comments by the readers posted online a hilarious read. Some were quite indifferent – as it has to be said I was when I read the article – some were jolly cross and stated they would immediately call off the engagement if they were Una Healy. (Get a grip)  Quite a few wished they were there to watch. Now, if the roles were reversed and a man had done that to a woman who was dancing in a club he would have been arrested and accused of being a dirty pervert. So equality between the sexes is alive and well. Not. But no one took that angle – it was all about the ‘badly behaved’ young chap on his stag do.

Finally, this week marked the point where we are just 100 days away from the start of the Olympics. I read this news and felt no excitement at all. Maybe because I am 200 miles north of London. Are you excited yet? I feel as though I should be and I feel a bit guilty because I am not. Hmm. Awkward. I want Team GB to do well and I would dearly love the likes of Tom Daley to shine and win medals…..and I thoroughly understand the opportunities that could arise for Great Britain Limited as a result of this world focus…..but I am not feeling the buzz yet. But what does amuse me is that for all the PR that the London Olympic team have put out so far, what seemed to be the most effective was this YouTube video put together by the Team GB diving squad. It was a bit of fun and taken as such but around 860,000 people have watched it and it hit the headlines at the time it was released. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bws52wtv6Ts  So perhaps we should leave it up to the young sportsmen and women to engage the public. Finally, if you didn’t see it, this clip from Channel Four news was highly amusing. At the time the official Team GB kit was announced Louis Smith got Jon Snow all flustered when he stripped live in the studio… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_NUHEWgzdk

Have a great day

 

Put your organic peace crisps down….I have been driving a hybrid…oh yeah, Mr Polar Bear…

{ April 12, 2012 @ 21:13 } · { Uncategorized }
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Today my car was due for its annual service and MOT – so I booked it in with the main dealer well in advance so I could have use of a courtesy car. In the past the courtesy cars provided have been a Toyota Yaris….or the smaller Toyota Aygo. Now, there is nothing wrong with the Aygo, apart from the fact is it very small – classed as a City car – and I am, as my Grandmother would say, a strapping 6footer. If you wish to imagine how I look in an Aygo then try to imagine Hagrid in a pedal car. Not a great look.  With this in mind I set off to the dealership this morning ready to play ‘courtesy car roulette’ and hoped for the best…

As I filled in the paperwork with the member of staff at the service desk he looked at his computer screen and confirmed I had a courtesy car booked….. then started to look rather concerned. He asked me to take a seat then disappeared. It would seem that all the courtesy cars had been taken. Ah. Awkward. Thankfully the Sales Manager didn’t need his car today…so I was offered that.  A Toyota Auris Hybrid. Now that’s a turn up for the books. Always wanted to try out a hybrid.

 

The car itself is a medium-sized hatchback and available in petrol and diesel versions too….the hybrid is a relatively recent addition to the fleet. The more basic petrol models start at around £12,000 I gather……this hybrid model was worth around £20,000!!! An awful lot of cash for this size of car…

'My' Toyota Auris Hybrid.....for a day anyway  So what did I think of it? Well in truth, cost of the vehicle aside, I found it a lovely car to drive – complicated (or do I mean different) - but lovely.

The high cost  is, of course, all due to the bits you cannot see - the hybrid technology. The car itself is little different from other Auris models and the interior, although well made, doesn’t reflect the £20,000 asking price.  A neighbour I was chatting to tonight had spotted the white car on the driveway and was very interested to hear all about the fact it was a hybrid, but seemed genuinely shocked when I told him the price. No way he would be buying one….although he did seem to regain interest when I told him what fuel consumption I had achieved today.

So how do you drive a hybrid car? Well the car starts off powered by the electric motor….so you hear no noise. There is no start-up growl as you will be used to from a conventional vehicle as you turn the key. (This particular model has a keyless start too – the remote fob can be sensed within the vehicle and this will allow the car to be started. There is no ignition key.) In fact the start-up process is a little complicated. But quite cool once you get used to it…

Firstly you push the footbrake (the car has automatic transmission) and press the ‘power’ button on the dashboard. The car is silent but ready for action when the green ‘ready’ light comes on (no 1 arrow!!!) …you then release the handbrake and use the stubby little spring-loaded gear stick on the dashboard to select ‘D’ for drive or ‘R’ for reverse. There is still no engine noise at all. Once you release the footbrake the car wafts along silently until you reach about 20mph then the petrol engine kicks in incredibly smoothly. I was most impressed. Just below the gearstick are three buttons. One says ‘EV’ (electric vehicle) which enables you to select to stay with 100% electric power, one says ‘Eco mode’ which takes a more relaxed approach to kick down and acceleration, and one says ‘power mode’……this brings in both motors very quickly and produces some kick-ass acceleration!!

When you drive around side roads it is highly likely that you will be driven by just the electric motor due to your lower speed…and as such you will be silent. And this is something to be careful of. Pedestrians and cyclists do not notice you at all. In fact, I would call the EV button – STEALTH MODE!! Several times today people have looked shocked to see the car because it is so quiet….they could not hear it drive up as they walked along the pavement. In fact I drove past a group of teenagers who were stood talking together on the pavement and could hear them discussing ‘the silent car’ as I drove by!! One of the group seemed to know about hybrids and I nearly stopped to congratulate him on his knowledge!!

 So what are the drawbacks? The price. A HUGE drawback. The technology the car uses accounts for a huge chunk, no doubt, but other cars are becoming more and more efficient in terms of fuel consumption and emissions - and they are powered by conventional engines and are therefore much cheaper. Hybrid technology should be ideal for big cars – Range Rovers and Mercedes S class cars – and also for small cars if the MPG and CO2 figures represent a huge saving.  I just feel as though this car is £3,500 too expensive – for a car that is identical in appearance to its combustion engine powered relatives. That said I achieved 68mpg through majority town driving – with a little country and motorway thrown in. The Auris itself does not match the likes of the Ford Focus or VW Golf if you attempt more spirited driving, although I was impressed with the smoothness of the engine of the car I drove today. I would also say the car – ignoring the technology side – didn’t feel special enough in terms of its interior and equipment levels considering how much I would have to pay for it.

Benefits? This car is very fuel-efficient and the emissions are low – and the car is more subtle than a Prius as people would easily mistake it for a petrol powered Auris – so other road users will not assume you are a smug tree hugging environmentalist who wears sandals and reads The Guardian. The car itself is an education – I drove much slower, much more considerately today because I was mindful of the car’s fuel consumption and how my driving effected where the car was sourcing power. I have to say I enjoyed the automatic gearbox too. Oh, and the white paintwork looks good…

  The obvious question – would I buy one. Set aside whether I would spend £20,000 on a car anyway….even if I could afford to….and my answer would be no. I would not buy this car. Even though I thoroughly enjoyed driving it and found the technology fascinating my money would not be going on a Toyota Auris hybrid…….not when Lexus sell a hybrid for a few thousand more. You expect to pay around £20k for a Lexus. Not a Toyota Auris…..

 

 

Have I gone mad? – Cutting 1D some slack…and recommending them some cars to buy. As if they would listen…

{ April 11, 2012 @ 18:10 } · { Uncategorized }
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This week I have had a break from work and have been doing ‘odd jobs’, chilling and spending some quality time with family – mostly my younger nephew and niece. Which is jolly nice. I am pleased to report that the decorating in the lounge/stairs/landing that I started before Christmas…..and then stopped just before Christmas because I got bored….has now progressed on a smidge more. And while I have been painting the skirting boards and liberally applying masking tape to random parts of the lounge before I whip out the gloss paint, I have been thinking……..I know. Dangerous.

That little group of children, commonly known as ‘One Direction,’ have been on a jaunt overseas and I gather they have gone down rather well. In fact I understand that America loves them so much their debut album ‘Up All Night’ ( a tribute to teething or bed wetting I suspect) hit the top of the charts on release. Well done them. So I have been thinking - maybe I should cut these young chaps some slack.

These manufactured bands make my skin crawl for their slick brand image and carefully managed marketing – they appear to have the to sole intention of making money. The music is a by-product. So when the X-Factor machine recruited, moulded and spat out a group of boys – who looked about 14 years old – to make money out of pubescent teen age girls – and boys – it felt quite wrong. And may goodness….do the teens love them. But here we are in difficult financial times managing to export something to the USA successfully. So perhaps I should park my reservations and acknowledge this achievement. Or perhaps the management and marketing of this band has taken a whole new level – it has gone global.

Social media has lifted One Direction to new heights – if you look at the trending topics on Twitter invariably there is something Justin Bieber or One Direction related – and one would wonder whether ‘One Direction’ are more about the personalities than the music. Without referring to the internet I would not be able to name the individual members of One Direction – though there is that one with the floppy hair who was in a relationship with the tv presenter 14 years his senior. Which initially felt like a publicity stunt and latterly felt…well, just wrong.

So we are now entering the phase in the life of a manufactured band where the individuals of One Direction are growing up and accumulating individual wealth – so look out for the first signs of rebellion and independent thought. Some may even believe they have musical talent and wish to have a solo career. The other members (other than the floppy haired chap who shags older women) will start to gain greater individual press coverage and jealousy will begin as to who is the alpha male. So I have decided to assist with their individual media profiles by recommending cars for them to buy. Now they have money.

You see, people who have a media profile must choose their cars carefully to avoid looking like fools and to avoid the immediate back-lash when they step out in a huge pimped 4×4 killing polar bears as they go.

So I have compiled a short-list of cars that would be suitable for the young chaps to purchase – stylish but not over the top – aspirational without appearing so detached from the lives of their fans they lose their support….

1. BMW 1 series coupe

2. Citroen DS3 Sport

3. Volvo C30 Sport

4. Audi A1 Sportline

5. new Mercedes A Class

But sadly it would seem I am too late in giving this advice. The floppy-haired one who shags older women has already fallen into the 4×4 trap. The first sign? http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/4093511/One-Direction-news-Harry-Styles-hit-by-huge-car-insurance-bill.html

 

 

 

How a farting cat could show the way for tv networks

{ April 7, 2012 @ 19:43 } · { Uncategorized }
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As you know, I am not a TV executive, although from where I am sat on my sofa I would love to have a hotline to those who are. Whether they are in Soho or looking slightly dazed – oxygen masks on - in their lovely new offices in Salford. Whoever knew the UK went this far North??

The original YouTube clip of the labrador (Fenton) chasing deer in Richmond Park  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GRSbr0EYYU has achieved over 5,800,000 hits which is excellent. But having just read the Digital Spy website it would seem that certain mainstream tv shows struggle to achieve over 1,000,000 viewers. For example, the show ‘Skins’ achieved 270,000 viewers and the Channel Four show ’10 o’clock live’ achieved just 760,000. But these are huge figures compared to the ‘Mad Men’ premiere on Sky which achieved just 70,000 viewers.

There is footage of a farting cat on You Tube which achieved 5,256,000 hits. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KOPil9ABUg Are you getting my point? 

So in these austere times I suggest bosses of tv channels review their schedules and allow the great British public to run them. Armed with their camera-phones and bonkers sense of humour and their pets. Imagine the savings. Imagine the viewing figures. And consider that a farting cat attracted 75 times as many viewers as the US big-budget show, ‘Mad Men.’ Mad innit?

Petrol, The Apprentice and my wildlife plans for the garden…

{ March 31, 2012 @ 09:51 } · { Uncategorized }
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I think it would be pretty safe to say that our beloved Coalition Government would be happy to wipe the last week or so from our minds. Stamps, pasty tax and in the last few days something of a right royal cock-up around petrol. Oops. In my mind I have an image of Mr Cameron sipping his champagne, being waited on by Clegg, wondering how he can get his whipping boy to take the flack this time.

Stamps and pasties aside, the petrol cock-up will become an episode studied by many in the years to come as ‘How not to deliver a message.’ I filled the car up with petrol on Monday evening. Normally I’d put £20 quid’s worth of fuel in and it lasts me a week – maybe slightly less on occasion. This week I filled the car up and thought it might do me for a couple of weeks. From Tuesday onwards it all seemed to go wrong. Indeed on Thursday evening I was delayed getting home as the petrol station near my house had a line of traffic queuing onto the road outside (in both directions) and traffic struggled to get passed. The petrol station in question has a small supermarket attached and I called in for some bits’n'bobs…..the staff seemed totally bemused as their petrol supply was regular and was in no danger of running out. Everyone cursed the government.

But what we mustn’t underestimate is the British public’s ability to join a queue. And I also blame the ‘water-cooler-OMG’ brigade – The air-headed office gossips who use ‘oh my God’ in every other sentence. For example – “Oh my God have you seen the queues? I’m totally filling my car up. If I can’t use my car I would, Oh my God, be totally screwed…” You know what I mean. Totally.

This week saw the second episode of The Apprentice broadcast on BBC1. I love that show and usually I would not hold back in my opinions on each and every candidate. But yesterday I briefly met one of the candidates and he was a lovely chap. I will not explain how or why this happened but expect quite moderate ’Apprentice’ comments for the time being. All I will say is that the girls are doing rubbish…..and I do miss Margaret.

I am about to catch up with last night’s ‘Gardener’s World’ which I recorded from last night. Along with ‘Countryfile’ this is one of the best BBC shows. Top Gear is up there too. I would also recommend that you watch Channel Four News during the week – Jon Snow is excellent – and if you are coming home from work and need a level-headed news program, Channel Four News is the best. But back to gardening. I planted some sunflower seeds about three weeks ago and they shot up within a few days:

 

 

 

 

They will hopefully do much better than last year’s efforts that mysteriously vanished from the garden overnight when planted. And, yes, I did put slug pellets down. But the recent warm weather seems to have done the plants a favour as they are now like this…

       The smaller plants towards the back are dwarf sunflowers. Again, they vanished last year so I am going to grow them all indoors for another couple of weeks. Wish me luck. I am also due to inherit an unwanted compost bin, so at long last I will get the opportunity to try my hand at making compost. The other garden project I shall be attempting this year is a small container pond. There is an area of my garden that I want to attract wildlife to. A bird feeding station, container pond and wood pile (to attract bugs) should do the trick. I am trying to read up about it all at the moment and will keep you informed.

My Sport Relief experience – hardship clip, celeb appeal, funny moment…

{ March 24, 2012 @ 09:31 } · { Uncategorized }
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Last night the BBC broadcast the ‘Sport Relief’ tv fundraiser, raising money for good causes both in the UK and abroad. http://www.sportrelief.com/ If you haven’t already done so, and if your financial position permits you to make a donation, I would thoroughly encourage you to do so. A very worthwhile charity.

I watched the tv show last night after a tiring week at work and, sat on the sofa like a beached whale, it just struck me as ironic that the theme of the show was supposed to be around sport. But not too long into the program, I started to feel uncomfortable. Watching the appeal clips – where they show individuals who are in need of support (the tear-jerkers that are designed to make you donate) – I started to make some mental calculations. The film in question showed some poor young soul who was working all day, at the age of just 10, and come the evening, was just so tired his bones ached – all he really wanted was to go to school. Indeed the young chap wanted to be a doctor. And in case you wondered what that noise was, that was the sound of my heart-strings twanging and in my mind I was working out if I could adopt him and send him to the local primary school. My mind then drifted onto the lovely Gary Lineker, who was presenting the show at that point….and this story that was in the Daily Mail a week ago: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2116217/Match-Day-BBCs-15-000-travel-Gary-Linekers-chauffeur-ride-Salford-London.html The appeal clip stated that a teacher for this young boy would cost £100pw. Based on Mr Lineker’s alledged £2,000,000 salary for sitting in front of a tv camera and talking from an autocue, that is the equivalent of 384 teachers. Now I know that may be unfair on the lovely Mr Lineker, but I am sure a number of other viewers were making the same mental calculation. In these difficult financial times, we are all becoming used to making tough economic decisions and from where I am sat, a £2m salary paid for by the BBC license payers seems a tad high when there are such needy causes, as highlighted by Mr Lineker himself. It may have been a subliminal message from his conscience.

Having had these thoughts I then found it increasingly difficult to watch the Sport Relief tv show. However much I loved the tv presenters working last night, I couldn’t help working out their worth against the causes they were promoting. And by my calculations a number of people could have their lives saved if we sack Davina McCall, Dermott O’Whatshisname and Claudia Winklepicker. It’s that brutal. These celebs won’t become homeless, they can all sleep in my spare room.

But the last straw came when Dermott O’Whatshisname, whose presenting skills I am not a huge fan of, started to make some quips about not wanting to mention the new BBC tv talent show, ‘The Voice’ (which starts tonight and overlaps with ITV’s ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ – a program made by his employer Simon Cowell). Dermott, you are working for the BBC tonight. If there is a conflict of interests then don’t accept the job. But then, blow me, a section of the Sport Relief show involved the cast of ITV’s Benidorm (being broadcast last night too on ITV) appearing on ITV’s Britain’s Got Talent. Seems to me that the people behind the BBC Sport Relief show are backing the wrong horse. Indeed, there didn’t appear to be a great deal of sport involved other than those sections with cameo appearances by comedians.

Don’t misunderstand my point. The Sport Relief charity is excellent and I have financially supported it this year. I just feel as though times are hard and the days when ‘celebs’ could appeal for us to make donations have gone – the reality is that these type of shows involve the BBC broadcasting hardship clips and then multi-millionaire celebrities shout and sob at us asking us to donate our cash - then we at home look into our wallets (the contents already raped by the tax man and oil companies) and work out if the cat really needs feeding this week because Claudia Winklepicker has demanded a tenner…. and now lets look at this witty clip of a multi millionaire comedian and a token sports personality out of his comfort zone. We know the drill.

I think we have all grown up a bit when it comes to these kind of appeal shows and around making financial decisions so next time, dearest BBC, I think we could do with more fact and less showbiz. Maybe a little less Davina and a little more Fiona Bruce, Sophie Raworth - and Ricky Boleto for the kids. Then if this is about Sport then let’s cover some sport…..otherwise how is this any different from Children in Need, etc etc. If it gives you a clue about engagement levels, then take note that within my work place no one, that’s no one, has mentioned anything sport relief related at all in the last four weeks. Including yesterday. That is an nil engagement. That can’t be right.

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