Hand jobs, Statistics and a rather cynical exercise….

Hand jobs are better than machines….

Part of my Sunday routine – if I have been to visit the Parents – is to stop off at the jet wash on the way home. I like the jet wash – you pay for time not a ‘program’ so if the car isn’t too dirty a quick clean can cost £2. If I tried harder I could probably do it for £1.50 but I would probably induce a heart attack and I would certainly swear a lot. This would not be a good look for passers-by to see. Unfortunately, what with the Parents been away on holiday and the rain we have had of late, my black car was filthy today and a £2 session was not going to do anything other than re-distribute the filth around the outside of the car.

When I arrived at the jet wash there was a small queue. A youth was washing his Citroen C4 and a Picasso was waiting behind him. On the basis that neither car would withstand a lengthy jet wash (being Citroens they would fall apart if blasted with water for too long) I joined the back of the queue. The Youth had alloy wheels on his car and these were clearly items he was proud of. However wiping them dry while two cars waited behind was a step too far so he qualified for one of my hard stares. These are beyond the hard stare that Paddington Bear used to do – in my mind my hard stare has added lasers and mind bending abilities. It worked. Next came the Picasso. I suspect Dad had been sent out with his small child on a kind of bonding mission to wash the car, what with it being Father’s Day and all. the small child eyed up the buttons, the water and the look of desperation on his Father’s face and decided that a mock gun shoot-out would be the best way to pass the time. Dad decided that a blatant lie would be the best way to deal with this situation by trying to suggest that ‘it’s time for home – just get back into the car’…..and then locking the car shut as he continued to wash his Citroen. Next it was me…

Imagine my joy when I noticed that the jet wash machine had been replaced with a brand new one. It had lovely new digital displays, lovely new buttons and lovely hoses that were not twisted and messed up as the last machine had been. If you have owned a black car you will know what a trial keeping it clean is… this jet wash produced lots of lovely foam that made the car look like a huge marsh mellow with hints of pink, blue and yellow……so much so that not a bit of black could be seen. The power wash rinsed the car a treat. Now I am home the car is drying and looks……..shite. The copious amounts of foam meant I could not see where my brush strokes had been…so I have a lovely black streaky car. Clean in bits. Filthy elsewhere. The morale of the tale? New shiny jet washes might be an efficient way to wash your car…..but sometimes you’re just better off paying £8 for the Iranians to do it by hand at the place down the road.

Hit me Baby…

Midway through this week my little blog had it’s 11,000th hit. I was so excited when I saw the stats. But what, I wonder, are people reading about? My most popular blog mentioned Emma Watson and included a lovely picture of her…..so she clearly has a huge following…..but I suspect most hits were by lone males. So if you are reading this alone, chaps, here’s one for you now…

   The second and third most popular subjects where Stephen Fry and David Cameron. Interesting. The fourth most popular was my blog about Chipping Norton…..which strikes me as a bit jolly random.

One of my favourite things is to look at some of the search engine entries that have brought people to my humble blog. I wish I had written some of them down from way back…..as they really made me laugh out loud. And I mean belly laughs. So I thought as a cynical exercise I would finish today’s blog with some hot topics to see how they effected my statistics and I shall let you know in due course how it works out.

So…….who would be better than current favourites One Direction? A bit of Wand Erection might work? So Stephen Fry, David Cameron, Emma Watson and One Direction attending a tea party in Chipping Norton. That could certainly work. Oh yes, and Prince Harry. Let’s include him. I wouldn’t wish to blow my credibility by putting anything about sex or nudity – that would be inappropriate. But let’s finish with a gratuitous picture to help.

   Have a great week 🙂